I've been trying to for over a week to find the right words for this post and have realized that words alone will never express all that I want to say. So here is my best attempt at sharing some of my mom as well as some of what the Lord has taught me through this unbelievably difficult season of life.
I believe that the Lord provided us with a miracle by giving us a perfect day with mom several weeks ago. We had been to see her and she was able to hold Preston for the first time. The people she loved most were by her side and she had a great day. We talked, laughed, and read lots of cards that people had showered her with. She looked good, seemed to feel good, and as usual was talking about being able to leave Hospice when she was better.
My mom was a woman of faith. She knew the Lord might call her home, but she never gave up on the idea that He could - and just might - perform a miracle and heal her sick body. However, shortly after this, maybe even Sunday night she took a turn for the worse. By Tuesday she was only communicating a little, but did
respond to my
question when I asked her if she was scared. She whispered "no" and closed her eyes again. I was able to sit by mom's side, pray over her, and just really share with her how much I loved her and appreciated
everything she had done for us over the years. It was precious time that I'll probably never forget. Things went quickly after that and the Lord finally took her home on Saturday afternoon, July 25.
I'll never forget what a giving woman my mother was. She LOVED giving gifts to people and once even gave away her car (well actually I think she ended up selling it for $1 for some legal reason). We would never leave from visiting her without at least a couple of bags of stuff she had carefully selected for Savannah and of course some type of food too. She didn't have very much, but with what little she did have, she gave most of that away.
Mom was super talented. She played the violin, sang in the choir, was a great cook, talented hair stylist (boy will we miss those free cuts), and was unbelievably creative. We finally made her stop buying us lots of gifts at Christmas and insisted that if she just had to give us something that she make it. Those are my favorite gifts! From birdhouses to Christmas ornaments, she made us lots of things that we'll treasure forever.
She also loved the holidays. I think Christmas will be super hard for me this year because that was mom's absolute favorite time of the year. I have had Christmas morning breakfast with her every year of my life and will miss that precious time this December. Plus, there is no one on earth who can make french toast like she could. She always served up a feast Christmas morning that we all looked forward to!
Mom took advantage of every opportunity to have our friends over. From New Years Eve parties to high school club meetings, she loved every second of having our friends at her house and never once complained about the mess. Several of my friends even referred to her as "Mama Page". She chaperoned band trips and was the "cool" mom. She loved her friends (ours too) and they loved her. I guess the close to 200 cards she received throughout her sickness and the constant line at visitation would represent how much she was adored by so many people. She would do absolutely anything for a friend. The Lord has very clearly spoken to me about this . . . in 40 years people aren't going to remember if my house was always neat or an absolute mess, but they will remember if they felt like an important friend and felt welcome in my home.
Family was super important to mom. For a few years she hadn't been very close to her sisters, but her sickness renewed that sense of sisterhood. She even said a few times that if her sickness is what it took to reconnect with them, then it was worth it. My aunts were by her side around the clock most of the last two weeks she was in Hospice and I know mom cherished that time with them.
Lastly, my mother was an awesome mom! She sacrificed so much over the years to make sure my brother and I had everything we needed . . . and wanted. Mom was a true example of unconditional love. She was the only person on earth that I could call and know that she would drop everything to come and do whatever we needed, happily, and without complaining.
I miss mom so much that I can't even explain how empty my heart is right now. There are days that I go to pick up my cell phone to call her and realize I can't. I know that healing is a process, but I also know that it will be a long time before my heart heals. I trust it will come. However, in the meantime, God has made Heaven super real to me. It's almost like mom just moved to another city . . . well she has, a city with gold streets and a mansion just for her. For so many years she has poured into the lives of so many and now she is sitting at the feet of Jesus worry free loving her new life. I know someday soon I'll be with her again.